Changes I've Had To Make

Hello everyone! I apologize for not posting for several weeks now, but I have been dealing with symptoms. I have been attending a 12 Step Program geared especially for us Dually-Diagnosed and have been called upon to increase the amount of meetings per week. Prior to these now more frequent meetings I had been putting most of my efforts to writing my unique memoirs. As I am on Social Security Disability it is either I write or put on more meetings...one or the other, not both. When I weigh the importance of multiple meetings versus writing, the choice was easy. Meetings! As when I first got into Recovery from alcoholism I was taught to be of, "...maximum benefit to God and my fellow man!" Here I set....awaiting those who need my help!

So Your Boss Says To Hurry It Up?

As I have been on Social Security Disability for nearly 30 years I could earn at least $30/hour tutoring math if I was healthy enough. My ailments include schizophrenia/bipolar disorder/panic attack and Seasonal Affective Disorder. Traditionally, I can only relax during my afternoons and if I have activities I can go out and do them at night. I have been making an attempt to write novel(s) which cover my schizophrenia caused hallucinations and I write mostly at night and continue through into the early morning hours. I am pleased with the quality of my writing. What I have began to notice is that I can now write some, (about an hour), during my mid afternoon hours. I find that not just productive, but encouraging as well! Maybe someday I can write more in the afternoons and at night so to get potentially published even sooner that I had predicted!
My point to the Dually-Diagnosed like me? Just keep trying! Keep at it! You'll find much of paradise here on earth, if you stay in Recovery!
My Recovery birthdate...my first day clean/sober/working on my mental illnesses? That would be April 28, 1984!

No Reason To Drink/Drug/Go Off My Meds!

Hello everyone! I hope each of you are doing great! I'm struggling today! For the longest time I tried to figure out why I am struggling!  I got good sleep last night, ate today, took my meds as prescribed!
This is why I am receiving Social Security Disability Entitlements! Folks, I don't do anything my psychiatrist tells me to not do!
Now, my point: us in Dual Recovery when we have symptoms that is NO REASON to go back out and drink alcohol/do street drugs/abuse or go off my meds! Any of those will only increase your symptoms and they have the potential to kill you!!
What to do when having symptoms? If have a Sponsor- call him/her. Call the hotline for your psychiatric caregiver! Talk to an understanding friend or family member! Call the local Crisis Center! You need to have someone bring you down to earth. What I do know to do for me at 30+ years in Dual-Recovery is to sit, hold on, don't do anything "stupid"  which will get you in deep trouble! And understand yourself that if you have a mental illness then you will have "off" days...excuse yourself and understand that you didn't "make" yourself have symptoms!
Peace and love to all of you!

America, this is huge! Society vs. Dual Recovery

In 1984 three months into Recovery from addiction PLUS mental illness (that is called Dual-Recovery) I was out trying to find work and was asked why I hadn't worked in over a year. I told them of my Dual-Recovery and that I had about three months in Recovery and was denied work for another six months due to stigma!
If the balance of America holds it against other people like it was back then with me then today other addicts will look at clean, sober me...unemployed and when I found work the pay was so poor that I just didn't eat many days. These, then, potentially Recovering addicts see me struggling financially then what will they say and do? I'll tell you: "To hell with Recovery! I'll just sell dope!" That has happened many times more than those who got into Recovery and one that I know of is in Prison for good!
America? Is that what we want for our addicts who consider Recovery? We NEED to reward those addicts/alcoholics in Recovery, not to mention the stigma I still experience about my mental illnesses. What's my Dual-Recovery birthday? Being my first day clean/sober/working on my mental illnesses with a psychiatrist/therapist: that day is: April 28, 1984. Yes! After 30 years of being in Dual-Recovery I run across many who show stigma to me! I know better than to act-out with violence... there are those like me drunk, stoned and crazy who can and do act out!
Please, America! Let's help those like me get into Recovery and offer them forgiveness and acceptance if they do respond with Recovery! Otherwise, I fear violence and lessening amounts of those who are Dually-Diagnosed who get in Recovery!!
Please help by eliminating your own stigma against people like me! If these people like me are stoned/crazy, call the police! Really! The pain they experience will push them toward Recovery! Once in Recovery, let's reward them!! Please!!

Dependence Versus Addiction

Often, certain places addicts go to get into Recovery other than treatment centers can describe the addict as being dependent upon drugs. I have a roommate who is diabetic and is "dependent" upon pills to treat his diabetes. He is NOT addicted, but dependent to where if he would quit taking his diabetes pills he would die!
I am an alcoholic/drug addict as in heroin/cocaine/etc and have schizophrenia/bipolar disorder (also called Dually-Diagnosed). As I am no longer using the illegal drugs which were going to kill me I do take Zyprexa/Remeron for my mental illnesses. And they are superior in their effectiveness. I am "dependent" upon the medications I take not addicted. For, too, if I quit taking my meds I could no longer handle my state of mind and could not take the hell of depression/psychosis and I probably would start to drink/drug and would destroy myself! Very few people realize how it is to drink alcoholically/abuse drugs/have schizophrenia/bipolar disorder!
Please support Dually-Diagnosed to stay in Recovery, take their meds and stay clean and sober by not showing stigma toward them and in fact encourage them in their Recovery by telling them how proud you are of them and how you read this blog as the author's Recovery date is April 28, 1984 and he is so happy that he can barely stand it!

Allow Me To Be Candid

I wish to, first draw attention to the fact that I am in Recovery from my Dual-Disorder since April 28, 1984. Yee-haw!  Next, I will tell you of my escapades prior to continuous recovery.
I had been attempting to get into Recovery from alcoholism/drug addiction/schizophrenia which I had not been diagnosed with at the time/bipolar disorder/panic attacks. This is a mess to deal with!! My untreated illnesses started to kick me in the behind and I mean not able to sleep for weeks/anxiety beyond words/and plain old acting crazy making me, even upon initial Recovery, isolated from the world and reality for a total of 7 years. Alone and lonely. I even went to church...the same church I was custodian at for years at the age of 13 because my mom and dad were poor so I worked and basically put food on the table for the family. Anyway, these people at church I had known would not look at me, talk to me, shake my hand...it was as if there was no forgiveness in going to church. So, I remained alone and lonely for years after that.

My point is here: My hallucinations developed into a science fiction/horror genre and the hallucinations were so real/so vivid and convincing that I believed them. They were action-packed, supposedly rewarding if I was able to perform as a "character" in a story I would get millions of dollars and Power over anything/anybody!

Crazy? Yes! Not my fault! I was clean and sober and broke no laws. Just was nuts. I actually acquired a "fun" story of which I lived while hallucinating. To me, that part of my hallucinations was "fun" to me! A reward from my God. And at the time they were fun hallucinations!

Now, haven gotten help for this set of illnesses called Dually-Diagnosed I am REALly enjoying life and am in the process of writing novels about my fun hallucinations!
I hope the best to ya'll!

To Panic Or Not To Panic

I suffer from panic attacks/anxiety disorder and the solution to it was to "Breathe Deeply and Think of A Positive Place or Evident" advice given by therapists. When I have a panic attack and I begin to breathe deeply my head feels as if will explode. Besides, it doesn't help until I am already coming down from the panic attack.
Then, to "Think of a positive place..."? I come from an abusive house, was born depressed and showed signs of schizophrenia @ age 8. I have not experienced a " happy place/positive place" to think of...except when I was stoned out of my mind on drugs/booze...not the type of place a recovering alcoholic/drug addict like me wants to think positive about when trying to stay off intoxicating chemicals!! To relapse on drugs/ alcohol will kill me...to have panic attacks "only" debilitate me.
I feel lucky to be able to blog here and to have started to write a series of novels which cover my 7+ year long single storyline hallucination caused by untreated schizophrenia.
Does such a series of novels spark any type of interest within you? Please feel free to leave your comments here at the end of this post! Thank you so very much!