When one ponders whether to get/stay in Dual Recovery one weighs all of the sacrifices one will have to make in order to live a healthier, happier life! Tough choices, folks!
I had to give up puking after drinking/court costs/jail time/wrecking my car/a guilty conscience/ I had to give up being sick and tired all of the time/spending all of the food money on drugs/depression/paranoid cause of the cops/paranoia caused by smoking pot/I had to give up slowly killing myself!
Hell! I hate being happy in Dual Recovery...I am so damn happy all of the time! And the police leave me alone and I can pay rent and I have no fear of being knifed by my roommate! And the worst part? Having a good reputation!
Defense rests! Ha-ha!
Sunday, March 23, 2014
Sunday, March 16, 2014
S.A.D. I call "March Madness" For Me
I am on Disability for I have Dual-Disorder (mental disorder PLUS chemical addiction). My
Recovery birthdate is 4/28/84...soon I plan on having 30 years in Recovery.
I woke up today depressed/hallucinating and feeling like tearing up everything in my house. I am not violent, but just feel like it. My super roommate and I are watching our favorite sport
baseball and when they swing the bat I feel it hit me...thru the tv. Yeah! Also, I am depressed and since I was born with symptoms I have very few good memories to think on to help me lift my spirits, in fact I was abused as a child. I am not just here to complain, but instead to tell anyone willing to read whom also have schizophrenia/bipolar disorder/Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)/panic attacks/addictions all of which I have that medical science has no answers to cure us, but when we have symptoms we needn't act out and hurt anybody including ourselves nor drink nor drug...DO continue to take our meds and eventually our symptoms will pass!
I know, tough order! You're damn right! If you do act out when stricken ill then life will get damner-tougher real quick! If you stay in Recovery your life/health will improve...if you continue to work away at it! My "bad days" are/have been becoming fewer and further between! Most days I absolutely love my life! Today I just look up at the God I understand (mostly I don't understand! Ha-ha!) and say "Damn! Do you not like me or something?" What the hell am I suppossed to do? All I can do is sit here and type...trying to felate with amd try to say "Hey! Just PLEASE don't act out
on your symptoms for better days are coming...IF you stay in Recovery. If you don't stay in Recovery tben you've got more Hell on Earth coming your way!
Stay in Recovery and you will love life like I do on most days!
Recovery birthdate is 4/28/84...soon I plan on having 30 years in Recovery.
I woke up today depressed/hallucinating and feeling like tearing up everything in my house. I am not violent, but just feel like it. My super roommate and I are watching our favorite sport
baseball and when they swing the bat I feel it hit me...thru the tv. Yeah! Also, I am depressed and since I was born with symptoms I have very few good memories to think on to help me lift my spirits, in fact I was abused as a child. I am not just here to complain, but instead to tell anyone willing to read whom also have schizophrenia/bipolar disorder/Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)/panic attacks/addictions all of which I have that medical science has no answers to cure us, but when we have symptoms we needn't act out and hurt anybody including ourselves nor drink nor drug...DO continue to take our meds and eventually our symptoms will pass!
I know, tough order! You're damn right! If you do act out when stricken ill then life will get damner-tougher real quick! If you stay in Recovery your life/health will improve...if you continue to work away at it! My "bad days" are/have been becoming fewer and further between! Most days I absolutely love my life! Today I just look up at the God I understand (mostly I don't understand! Ha-ha!) and say "Damn! Do you not like me or something?" What the hell am I suppossed to do? All I can do is sit here and type...trying to felate with amd try to say "Hey! Just PLEASE don't act out
on your symptoms for better days are coming...IF you stay in Recovery. If you don't stay in Recovery tben you've got more Hell on Earth coming your way!
Stay in Recovery and you will love life like I do on most days!
Monday, March 10, 2014
Do You "Get It"?
Before I begin my ranting and raving, let me first qualify myself: I have been a Dean's List Engineering Student @ Purdue University; I have a Recovery birthdate of 4/28/1984 from alcoholism/drugs including heroin, cocaine, pcp (remember pcp?) /schizophrenia/bipolar disorder/panic attacks/Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). Might I add, I'm happy today!
In the past 30 years I have heard a lot about Recovery from all kinds of sources including "meetings", group therapy, multiple mental hospital visits and a whole lot of just plain old false statements from those heralded to be those who know what they are doing/talking about!
The latest "craze" (ha-ha!) is that if the mentally ill were to just "think differently" then this will change the construction of their brains. First off, this advise is being fed to us Dually-Disgnosed (drugs/alcohol PLUS mental/emotional disorder) and I know as a life-time sufferrer this to be horse-shi_! If I neglect to take my night time anti-depressant then I'm depressed all the next day. Overall, I have been depressed my entire life (I am now 55 years old) until this wondeful drug Remeron) . Someone with depression can't, CAN'T just "think happy thoughts"! Thus, the constant need for medication.
Plus, it has been the policy for any recovering alcoholic that to just "think" sober does not help the alcoholic get nor stay sober! A true alcoholic to stay sober MUST work a Program that is most unnatural to him/her. I don't mean,sit back and chant "Sober! Sober! Sober!"
I mean go out and "practice" this most unnatural Program in order to get/stay Sober.
What happened to "thinking yourself" into Recovery from depression/schizophtenia/alcoholism/drug addiction? It, along with them just died! Folks? Unless you know and can prove for 10 to 20 years of successful Recovery that your little "pet theory" is valid please shut up and "think it to yourself"!
In the past 30 years I have heard a lot about Recovery from all kinds of sources including "meetings", group therapy, multiple mental hospital visits and a whole lot of just plain old false statements from those heralded to be those who know what they are doing/talking about!
The latest "craze" (ha-ha!) is that if the mentally ill were to just "think differently" then this will change the construction of their brains. First off, this advise is being fed to us Dually-Disgnosed (drugs/alcohol PLUS mental/emotional disorder) and I know as a life-time sufferrer this to be horse-shi_! If I neglect to take my night time anti-depressant then I'm depressed all the next day. Overall, I have been depressed my entire life (I am now 55 years old) until this wondeful drug Remeron) . Someone with depression can't, CAN'T just "think happy thoughts"! Thus, the constant need for medication.
Plus, it has been the policy for any recovering alcoholic that to just "think" sober does not help the alcoholic get nor stay sober! A true alcoholic to stay sober MUST work a Program that is most unnatural to him/her. I don't mean,sit back and chant "Sober! Sober! Sober!"
I mean go out and "practice" this most unnatural Program in order to get/stay Sober.
What happened to "thinking yourself" into Recovery from depression/schizophtenia/alcoholism/drug addiction? It, along with them just died! Folks? Unless you know and can prove for 10 to 20 years of successful Recovery that your little "pet theory" is valid please shut up and "think it to yourself"!
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